Hikaru, one of Japan’s top YouTubers who has always stayed at the forefront, revealed that he had stopped filming for two full weeks. A psychiatrist he knows even told him he was “one step away from depression.” What was he thinking and feeling during that blank period? From his first shoot in a while at a conveyor-belt sushi restaurant, to a ¥5.5 million shopping spree, and even the behind-the-scenes truth of pachinko store appearance events—this video lays everything bare, revealing the real side of a top YouTuber.
A Sudden Wave of Apathy
“I just didn’t feel like filming at all,” Hikaru said at the beginning of the video. Since videos continued to be uploaded, viewers may not have noticed. But in real time, he had been away from filming for two full weeks.
It was also his first time filming with his manager, Mae-ssan, in two weeks. Hikaru explained that while he often goes through phases of high motivation and sudden creative droughts, this was the first time he’d taken such a long break.
After consulting a psychiatrist friend, he was told he might be experiencing “apathy syndrome or just one step away from depression.” Hikaru himself, however, calmly analyzed the situation, saying he didn’t feel depressed, but rather that the “low phase” of his usual emotional cycle had simply lasted longer than usual.
What He Did During Two Weeks of Isolation
During this period, Hikaru barely left his house. He spent his time reading manga, watching dramas, and playing mobile games. Most notably, he almost completely disconnected from social media and didn’t even read YouTube comments.
“I felt like I couldn’t express what I really wanted to,” Hikaru said. He described the feeling as having a fish bone stuck in his throat, making him unable to even look at his own content. He felt as though he was just venting built-up emotions without clarity.
Mae-ssan also admitted he was worried, saying it was rare for Hikaru to disappear creatively for this long.
Why, Even When Work Was Going Well?
What’s interesting is that Hikaru wasn’t feeling negative emotions. “Things are going well in many ways. Work is going well. I wasn’t depressed—just kind of slack and empty,” he explained.
Looking back at November, his schedule was so packed that he described it as “swimming freestyle without breathing.” On top of that, he had a full week of downtime due to skin treatment, likely leaving him both mentally and physically exhausted.
It wasn’t a creative slump, nor negativity—just a lingering sense of emptiness and apathy.
What He Realized After Filming Again
After resuming filming at a conveyor-belt sushi restaurant with Mae-ssan, Hikaru reflected on his roots as a YouTuber.
“I started with YouTube, and I’ll end with YouTube. If I keep filming, I can get out of this state.”
As filming continued, his energy gradually returned. “YouTube really is fun,” and “It feels like I’m back home,” he said—showing just how important YouTube is to him.
With 2025 coming to an end, Hikaru shared that he’s looking toward a fresh start in 2026, without forcing himself to rush things.
He also reaffirmed his belief that he doesn’t want to act out of obligation, but only do what he truly wants to do.
A Major Change After 10 Years: Moving Away from Black Denim
One surprising revelation was that Hikaru had worn only black denim for nearly 10 years, ever since middle school.
This time, following advice from a Louis Vuitton staff member, he purchased khaki oversized pants, white shoes, knitwear, scarves, and more—totaling ¥5.5 million. He even considered Cartier jewelry, but decided against it, saying, “If I hesitate, it means I don’t really want it.”
“I remembered how fun it is to dress well,” Hikaru said, realizing he had lost his sense of desire and was now trying to regain it.
Going forward, he plans to leave full outfit coordination to his manager, similar to how celebrities work with stylists.
The Truth Behind Pachinko Store Appearances
During those two weeks, Hikaru also appeared at pachinko store events with crowds of over 2,000 people.
Addressing criticism, Hikaru openly stated that he received no appearance fee at all. Normally, someone of his influence would earn tens of millions of yen for half a day.
His goal, he said, was not money, but bringing new people—who don’t normally play pachinko—to the industry.
2026 Theme: “Say Everything I Want to Say”
Looking ahead, Hikaru declared his theme for 2026:
“Say everything I want to say.”
“I’ll probably get criticized again. But I don’t care. I’m not doing anything wrong,” he said confidently.
He concluded by stating, “I’m going to break through in 2026. Say what I want, do what I want—that’s my absolute theme.”
Even Top YouTubers Are Human
This video reminded viewers that even top YouTubers experience apathy.
“Even someone as talented as me feels this way sometimes. So don’t worry—it’s normal,” Hikaru reassured his audience.
His two-week break may have been nothing more than a crouch before a higher leap.
Fans are now eagerly waiting to see what kind of Hikaru will emerge in 2026.
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